It occurred to me, in the early hours of this morning, that my meditation practice had fallen by the wayside.
Meditation never came easy to me, I had to start with physical meditation - focussing exclusively on the act of walking - and work from there, but I have never attained the ability to sit still and focus on a solitary thought, without an interruption from my "monkey brain". Rather I use housekeeping for meditative purposes: ironing, washing up, dusting and vacuuming all serve me well, as they are repetitive and help me hone my focus.
Lately, I have been using tasks to think, not meditate, and I thought it might be because I feel I have somehow failed. Even as I write this, "monkey brain" is grinning at me and shaking it's head, like a chimpanzee - perhaps in victory? Is time that I accepted "monkey brain" has won, and physical meditation is all I can hope for? I wonder if I am giving up to early and should continue to strive for a more peaceful route in meditation, even if I've been attempting to do so for over 20 years?
I guess I know what I'll be thinking about when I'm scrubbing the bathroom floor tomorrow.